He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
