He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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