How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
