what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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