i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Randomize
