Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
