dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
