so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
