sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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