No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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