dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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