I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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