I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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