you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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