Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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