I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
