She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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