Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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