Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
