So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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