i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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