How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
