I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
