mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
