actually, I'm a sock model
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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