we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
