I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
