So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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