how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
