I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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