The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
