Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
