If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
