Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
