i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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