Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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