i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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