I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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