Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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