Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
