Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
