the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
