if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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