a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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