lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They have beer where we have blood.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
