I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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