need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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