Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
