i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
