Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
