just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
