i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
