my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
