she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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