you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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