you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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