I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
