oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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