Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
