My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
