I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
