My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize