Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
