I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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